Sometimes sad

I was a little sad this morning.  I got into  mom's car to drive to work (we sometimes must play musical cars to get everyone to where they need to be) and as usual the belt is squeeling.  While this isn't the end of the world it made me think about something.  In the past this is something my dad would have taken care of, but since dad isn't here anymore this task has fallen on my husband.  He has tried to fix the issue several times and can't seem to figure it out.  Further he has told mom on at least four occassions that she needs to take the car to the shop to get it fixed.  Again, this would have been dad's job and this makes me a little frustrated.  Subsequently the problem has fallen on me.  Why did my dad do everything and why did he leave my family to take over his responsibilities?  I have a husband, two teenage children and a full time job.  Now I have another responsibility because she was so spoiled all those years with dad she expects everyone else to take care of her problems; everyone but herself.

I texted my brother expressing my feelings which equated to losing my mind.  He responded back with something to the effect of "it's too early for this foolishness".  It was enough to make me smile and I felt a little better.  He was right, it was too early in the morning, too much to do today to be out of sorts.  I had to get on with my day.

I spoke mom about taking care of the problem on the way to dinner tonight.  She was less than receptive, a bit curt even, noting that dad usually took care of the car and she knows she has to now.  Then she started to cry and I felt bad. 

Everyone was out tonight so when I decided to take mom to dinner I was thinking about a little shoe shopping after, but as usual alcohol affected the evening.  I didn't even mention the shoe shopping because she clearly had too much to drink by the end of dinner.  That really makes me sad. 

I feel like its been years since I had a mom.  There was a short time she stopped drinking and I really felt like I had my mom back.  That was around 4-5 years ago and it was very short lived.  I'm the mother in this relationship.  That makes me sad too.  It's not supposed to be how life is when you are only 40 years old.